What happened when I tried Yoga

20 odd years ago a colleague commented that I would be a dab hand at Yoga because I was petite and skinny.  Back then in the very early noughties, Yoga had started to become very popular. Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice), had left the Spice Girls and had invented ‘Geri Yoga’ – her DVD was out, she was popping up everywhere on TV promoting it and she made it look very very easy.  I looked at Geri (slightly jealous) and thought yes perhaps my colleague is right, I could do this, it can’t be that hard.

I refused to buy Geri’s DVD but I did buy a Yoga mat, a book for beginners and a CD of calming music.  I’ve got this, I thought, I will be ‘Geri Yoga’ in no time.  However if you have ever tried getting into a pose correctly whilst struggling to look at the book on the floor in a small bedroom you soon realise that in reality, it’s tricky, painful and stressful.  I had no idea of what I was doing and even though I was naturally skinny, I soon discovered that it didn’t mean that I was going to be naturally bendy as well.  

As expected, I soon gave up on being ‘self taught’ so I decided what I needed was to call in the professionals.  No, I still didn’t buy Geri’s DVD but instead I signed up for a class and I took my mat along to the local damp and musty community hall instead.  At the first session, I was the first to arrive and I was greeted by the instructor dragging out the electric heater from the back room.  He told me that I had to pay up front and commit to 6 weeks with no refund if I dropped out at any time before.  6 weeks – not a problem mate I thought, I’m here for the long haul, I’ll be running the class soon! 

Again I had unrealistic expectations about what was going to happen.  I wrongly thought that unlike posh gyms, yoga classes at community halls would attract more ‘down to earth’ people.  I thought that I would walk into the group and find my place in the world with like minded people.  I’ve never been a shrinking violet so I had no issues with walking in on my own to what was an already established group of mainly middle aged, middle class women and men dressed in an awful lot of linen.  But in reality they weren’t as friendly and welcoming as I thought they would be and it unnerved me.

Also, even though I learnt a lot more from taking a proper class, after the first few weeks I started to get bored with it.  I was still disappointed with the progress I was making and how difficult I was finding it, I still wasn’t anywhere near ‘Geri Yoga’.  So when the 6 weeks came to an end, I didn’t pay for any more sessions and I never went back.

Looking back, I can see now why it didn’t work out and why I had to stick to my day job.  I naively thought that because I had skinny legs and liked to find ways to keep myself fit, healthy and grounded, that I would be a natural at it.  In reality, anyone can be a master at it if they are committed to putting in the practice, practice and more practice over time.  I wasn’t, I expected more instant results.

I can also see now why the other people at the class possibly didn’t want to engage in general chit chat and were quite aloof. Unlike me, they were obviously committed and disciplined!  I can imagine what they must have thought when they saw me walk in, in my early 20’s dressed in brand new yoga sports gear bought for the occasion!  I wonder if they took bets on how many weeks I would last?  Well in your face, I lasted the six weeks that I paid for so the joke was on you!

So for me, yoga was parked for two decades but I still had aspirations that one day I could still be great at it.

Fast forward 20 years and I’m now in my forties with more problems in life and less time and energy than I had when I first dipped my toe in. Two years ago I started subscribing to a Natural Health magazine which helps feed my interest in being healthy and living more naturally.  It often features and promotes the benefits of yoga and different poses to sort out different aliments and conditions. 

Thanks to the magazine, and being older and wiser, I now had a better understanding of why yoga is good for you and how it can improve your life if you do it regularly and safely.  This reignited the spark in me so I got all excited and went out and bought a new yoga mat.

This time though, I didn’t feel the need to go to a class because we now have the power of the internet and YouTube, I can search for endless classes and practice in the comfort of my own home with no judgy people around me dressed in linen.  Piece of cake – I’m going to feel so much better, I’ll soon be ultra Zen and glowing – I couldn’t wait to get started.

So I put my trusty new mat on the living room floor and found a class for beginners on YouTube on my laptop.  It was a ten minute session and relatively easy.  I did this every morning for a few days but I couldn’t say that I particularly enjoyed it even though I knew that it would benefit me and that I could build on it if I just kept at it.  I started to get bored again and that was a green light for me to start letting other things take priority, like managing washing, doing the online weekly shop and catching up on Eastenders.  So you can imagine that this stint didn’t last long either (about a week to be honest).   

But then lockdown came and like a lot of people during the pandemic, I started going through a particularly tough time in my personal life.  I needed to do something to get me moving (I was crippled from working 7 hours at my makeshift home office), take my mind off the fear of catching covid and improve my mental and physical health.  And since I was working full time at home with no commute, for once I actually now had more time to commit to really nailing this yoga practice once and for all.

So the mat came out again but this time I roped in my husband because I needed the company and I thought it would be great thing for us to do together.  However it was doomed from the start, because we only had the one mat and he’s a big bloke!  We couldn’t decide which one of the hundreds of thousands of Youtube videos to do, there were too much choice and when we did decide, I couldn’t even get into sitting position without feeling like I was tearing my limbs from me.  

But then something amazing happened, a revelation sent from the gods of kindness.  I came to the realization that I just can’t do Yoga!  Simple as that.  Why on earth was I torturing not only myself but now my husband!  The feeling of just accepting that I’m shit at it was fabulous because I no longer have to even attempt to try it again and I’m perfectly ok with that.

Years of being influenced by celebrities, fitness DVD’s, books and trying to buy into a lifestyle that is promoted in magazines made me desire something that obviously just wasn’t meant for me. 

So here are the things that I have learnt from attempting Yoga over the years.

1. I’ve discovered that I hate the word Yogi but now that I’m older I find comfort in wearing linen!
2. When you prioritise sorting out your family’s dirty laundry over it, you know it’s going nowhere.
3. Even though I know women who practice it every day and love it, it doesn’t mean that it should work for me too. 
4. I will happily just skip over the Yoga section in my magazines – I’ve accepted now that I will never be ‘Geri yoga’.
5. If you also have decided to give up on Yoga, a rolled up mat makes a brilliant foot rest in your working from home office.  It still has a use!
6. Note to myself – don’t even attempt to try pilates instead – that will not end well either!