Perfecting the Art of Procrastination

During Christmas 2019 – I had three whole weeks off work due to a combination of annual leave and work closure days. The most I normally have off work in one go is a fortnight in the summer so you can imagine the feelings of joy I beheld on that Friday when I shut down, closed the laptop and said bye bye to work for THREE WHOLE WEEKS.

Christmas had been cancelled due to COVID and I had what I was going to do with the time all mapped out.  I was going to deep clean the house from top to bottom, I was going to sort out the ‘back bedroom’ that had become a dumping ground. I was going to finish the sewing on a chair that I had started to re-cover 6 months earlier during lockdown and I was definitely going to finish painting the wardrobe that I had started ‘upcycling’ about 6 years ago (which was dumped in the ‘back room’).  

The list was bold and ambitious and obviously, as I came to find out, it was a big mistake making a big list because in reality I spent the time sitting in front of the TV with a tub of Quality Street. Before there was even a whiff of paint to be had, the three weeks was up in a flash and I was back at work wondering how the heck did I get back here.

What went wrong, you incapable, lazy beast? I asked myself.   When my mum was here – she would often say ‘Emma, you need to get a bonnet’ and for those who now think that both my mum and I have totally lost the plot, this saying is a call to action from the phrase ‘Get a bee in your bonnet’– in other words – just get on with it for godsake!  Actually, if my mum was here, I would have come home from work to find that she’d have finished painting the wardrobe for me months ago, so why couldn’t I just get on with it now?

I was brought up by said mum who was a fabulous woman who never stopped.  She had two jobs when we were growing up and she worked hard to kept a roof over our heads, the very roof that would leak a lot because we lived in an old house which always needed maintenance.  Since she had to go to work full time, my siblings and I all had to pull our weight and do our share of the housework.  She taught us how to do most things and she always had a paint brush in her hand on an evening or weekend.  She instilled a strong work ethic in me so I’m definitely capable of most things DIY and I have managed to hold down a full time job for over 20 years without being sacked. However, as I’ve mentioned before – when it comes to some things, I’m not a completer finisher.

So if I’m capable and I’m not lazy, it got me thinking about why my good intentions go to pot and why I start things but don’t finish them. 

As an example, let me explain what happened with the ‘chair’.  This piece of soft furnishing was of the bucket chair variety and was purchased on a whim to fill a corner of my living room.  The colour was cerise which wasn’t quite red but not quite pink – a funny in between colour.  It spoke to me in the shop and it sat happily in the corner of the living for some years and was sat on occasionally but during lockdown, I really wanted rid of that chair because I came to really really hate the colour.  So I enquired about buying a new chair online but it would have meant that I would have had to dispose of the old one and with it being lockdown I didn’t fancy a trip to the tip.  

So, because Prima tells me that  it’s  fashionable to do crafting for your mental wellbeing and because I wanted to  be sustainable, I decided to re-upholster the chair.  So I went online and bought some lovely grey fabric and a staple gun.  I’ve never re-upholstered a chair in my life but I have watched ‘ Money for Nothing’ and seen them do it on the TV, it looked so easy.    Now I’m not a person who takes to youTube generally for ‘how to’ stuff but I did have a quick glance for some tips and it told me that I had to take the old fabric off first.   This is when I encountered the first issue because the bloody cerise stuff was welded to that chair like iron, it was not budging and because I’ve got no patience I decided it would be best to leave it on and cover over it – simples!    And to my surprise it was quite simple – it was covering over like a treat and there were parts where I had to hand sew the edges which were looking pretty neat too.  

I was now having visions of becoming a full time chair up-cycler and maybe having my own shop – just like the folk on ‘Money for Nothing’!    But in like all my dreams and visions – they don’t end well because then I came to tackle the back of the chair and with most bucket chairs the backs are round shaped and so I needed to start fitting the fabric in panels.  This was relatively easy but it meant that I had to do A LOT MORE hand sewing and I just couldn’t be arsed anymore!  

By this time, my fingers were hurting and I’d ran out of grey cotton. So I pushed the chair back into the corner and vowed I would finish it another day. But up to this day, that day hasn’t come yet and because no one apart from me and my husband knows (and doesn’t care) that the back of the chair looks like a big dogs breakfast it’s not been high on the priority list. The front of the chair looks lovely by the way – surely that’s all that matters anyway!

And here goes another example of something that I started in the house but didn’t finish.

I wasn’t brought up to be like this, I was not following in my mums footsteps and I started questioning if I was lacking motivation or even depressed?  And then I went one step further and started catastrophizing – perhaps I had bipolar or ADHD!  So I took to Dr Google for some answers and it turned out that I didn’t have any of those things – I just had a serious case of procrastination!

In my search I came across an article in Insider by Accountability Coaches, Ali Schiller and Marrissa Boisvert.  They write about the four different types of procrastinators and after reading the descriptions I feel quite pleased to say that I fit into most of catagories.  I say pleased because it seems that procrastination is at least one thing that I don’t put off – I’ve mastered it!

For example, one type of procrastinator will leave things until the last minute.  Apparently we behave this way because we are perfectionists and deliberately leave things until the last minute so we can blame the not so prefect results on having less time.

I started pondering on this and decided that I always work well under pressure and I can find the focus when I need to. I’ve developed this technique over the years with my job which involves having to juggle lots of things and having to react to last minute demands constantly. When a deadline looms, I don’t turn to jelly or crumble in a heap, I hit it head on and get it done.  It’s same with the house work – if I know someone is coming round to visit I will find the strength to blitz it without stopping until it’s done, however if no one is coming, I’ll tickle about flitting from one room to another being busy doing nothing which then takes three times longer with piddily results.

And I can honestly say that I’m not a perfectionist so for me I can only assume that the reason why I leave things until the last minute is because by putting myself under pressure, that’s the only way it’s going to get done!

Then they go on to describe people who berate themselves for not completing the tasks by thinking that they are just being lazy. I can understand this as I do give myself a hard time for not achieving the things that I want to.  Apparently however, we are not lazy but just tired.  Hallelujah what a fab excuse – I’m always tired!  The answer to this is to take a break and go for walk – yep that’s what I do a lot of when I have spare time and that’s why the wardrobe is still half painted and why I’m always tired! 

Another type of procrastinator will avoid doing a task and blame it on being too busy.  Apparently if I’m this type I need to address what it is that I’m ‘really avoiding’? This is starting to stray into some serious psychological territory so I think I will just conclude that over Christmas I was busy with the chocolate and all I was avoiding was my to do list!

However the last type of procrastinator explained in the article is definitely describing me – the one who is ‘constantly thinking up new things to do only to get bored by them a week later’.  It explains ‘This procrastinator has a terminal case of Shiny Object Syndrome. They’re constantly coming up with new projects to take on — and then getting bored with them a week later. They’re intrigued by the latest trend and will be quick to implement but not follow through’

It goes on to say that ‘They are great at making decisions and taking action. However, they end up inadvertently losing a lot of time and burning out because they don’t take consistent action in one direction long enough to see results’.

So there we have it, I have a confirmed diagnosis now.  However, I do think the word ‘terminal’ is a bit harsh and hints that there is no hope!  Perhaps there isn’t – so I’ve concluded that it doesn’t matter about the wardrobe and the messy ‘back room’ because I can now tell people that come into my house that I have a ‘syndrome’!

As for the chair, that’s fine too because and as long as no one drags it out of the corner they will never see how shit it looks from behind and perhaps one day I will get bored with the ‘grey’ and treat it to another make over anyway?